Growing Together

Young girl meets young boy, and they like each other. They become friends and in time, find they have a lot in common. This draws them closer. They start seeing each other and spending quality time together.

Remember; both parties are usually at their best behaviour when courting. So while dating, if in luck, a certain level of ugly detail unique to each party, will be shared with the other and vice versa, speaking of personal quirks, mistakes, nasty family history, etc.

"If in luck" that is, and this is usually rarely.

Anyways, boy and girl are happy go lucky, free thinking, live and let live, lovebirds; almost  giddying experience (some call it butterflies)

Over time they get married and all is well; woman and man. Soon, babies arrive. Responsibilities are shared reasonably as the nurturing goes more to the woman, while protection, discipline, heavy duty work around the home, and the bulk of provision, lies with the man (usually) though it plays out differently sometimes family to family, depending on what works for each as per convenient roles.

But that's not my major intent in writing this.

This is;

In time, all things being equal, the man begins to climb the ranks, and grow in his field. At work his word is law, he's boss to many. He's like clock work at work, with his results, as he achieves result after result, after result, to the admiration and praise of his subordinates who waste no time pouring in the accolades and countless adulations.

To continue to be all that for his sphere of operation, he's made to look the part, trained to act the part, groomed to lead and to expect to be understood and followed, even as his subordinates one way or another, also are schooled in the art of subordination.

In short, the man is king at work.

But once he gets in his car and arrives home, he is made to wear a different hat-that of same ole, regular happy go lucky boy from courtship days, with a very wide disparity between that man, and the man he has evolved into, that he has become.

No easy daily transitioning, yet that's the reality he must live in, happily, until it begins to get uncomfortable.

He begins to wish for better understanding by his better half.

Begins to yearn for conversations that match where he's going rather than where he's coming from.

More often than not, his past is debilitating and doesn't at all match up with who he's seeking to be, what he's striving to attain to.

Voices from the past are doubtful and taunting so really, if anyone is going to walk this path with him, such a one would have to invest themselves in understanding their legitimate reason for wanting to attain the purpose that they've chosen, and they must of their own chosing decide to support that in many tangible ways; and to constantly communicate that support.

Someone with whom to grow together.

Or, a disconnect arises.

Your grace O Lord is sufficient for us.

Man, feeling all alone in the midst of many, is left vulnerable to "listless weather conditions"(metaphorically speaking).

For though he has a spouse and life partner, she may yet have to come up to speed a whole wider fraction than where she is presently (light years removed from where he's at)

For to even pray for him, she has to understand him, the things he is presently struggling with, be able to profer meaningful solutions, etc.

She ought also to learn of his field and be poised to be that help-meet, he married her for.

Or a disconnect arises.

So help us God.

I took time once to study this phenomena using several well meaning samples of husband and wife. The ones who stood the test of time, and really stood, not pretentious; those who were as happy as can be day in day out, were the ones who had come to this understanding.

Man grows, woman grows toe to toe. 

Man is a footballer,  stockbroker, or basketballer, woman learns about hubby's vocation in order to be of chief relevance to him, as a help, meet for him.

At least in my opinion. This is still open to personal opinion and debate.

What I see more often and even I have been down that blinding path myself, is a minding of each their own personal business, and not having the time at all to mind the business of the other.

Who will go first?

Who will first make the needed sacrifice?

Whose onus is it to do so first off?

Before one good turn begins to deserve another and the dividends of sacrifice begin to roll in.

Who will go first?

So help us Lord.

For where disconnect abounds, grace doth much more ABOUND.....