Bitterness to Betterment
Have you been hurt and wounded? Have you been grieved or put through an injustice without so much as an apology or perhaps something that even an apology could not compensate or fix? Have you not dealt with your emotional pain intentionally but let it fester into bitterness?
Bitterness starts out small. It starts out as an offense that borrows its way into our hearts. We replay it in our minds and hold on to it in our hearts. We nurture it and don’t hesitate to tell our hurts to any sympathetic listener. We enlist support, pushing us further into our resentment. We get really upset or mad when we hear the offenders' names. We seethe, fret and fume and gradually settle into a grave we’ve dug and cozy into with our pain held close to our bosoms not realizing that place is meant for rottenness, decay, and death!
Sometimes people hurt us unintentionally and sometimes maliciously and spitefully. Irrespectively, our perception is our reality and what’s real here is the hurt and anger. We decipher the offense as intentional and when we allow this pain to fester, we develop bitterness in our souls. We look for other reasons, both real or imagined, to dislike our villain. With each new piece of information, we form another layer of bitterness.
And as we live in bitterness, we start seeing patterns of biological dysregulation (a physiological impairment that can affect metabolism, immune response or organ function) and physical disease. How then do we deal with and peel back the layers and layers that are formed over the years?
The key to turning bitterness caused by self or others to betterment is FORGIVENESS! But that’s easier said than done. There are people that live their entire lives in bitterness and disease when they could have let go and lived incredible lives for themselves as well as their community.
In bitterness resulting from failures the individuals need to disengage from futile efforts (e.g., to get promoted, to win over a lost love...) and reengage in something that’s equally meaningful (e.g., a new job, address or passion). This process is called self-regulation. If you have self-bitterness and self-hatred, forgive yourself for all the frustrations brought by your imperfection. Once you’ve accepted your limitations, insecurities can’t put you down anymore. Focus and regulate your energies towards building up your strengths, and a hobby (especially one that’s creative and you’re good at) is an exceptionally good idea.
Choose to forgive people who made you feel rejected or treated you unfairly. It’s hard, but do it for your own sake. Forgiveness can remove hatred and bitterness from your heart. Stop talking about them and their bad treatment of you and even celebrate with them whenever possible. Think well about others and appreciate them even if you don’t feel like doing so. Most importantly, pray for them. Praying for those that hurt you helps release forgiveness which only liberates you to be the best of who you can be!
Set realistic goals for yourself and by the time you begin to accomplish them, you’ll realize you have already moved on from the past. You will also see you no longer have time or space to hold grudges. Finally, be joyful! Joy is very counter-culture. Culture tells us to fight back in the same kind in which we were dealt with. In other words, culture says an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. If someone hurt you, culture says you should try hard to hurt them back. But it is so much better to walk in forgiveness and joy no matter what anyone does to you. And you have to walk in love before you can walk in joy. Remember, love is a decision. So is forgiveness!
Now go girl and live in peace and joy. You were not built for the bitterness of soul but sweetness and betterment that comes from the fulfillment of forgiveness.
Love, Arl
