Abuse, kills the soul and scars the heart.

Abuse, I had to study it, in a quest of getting answers and an understanding on why it happens. Since abuse is extensive, in this article I will address only three types of abuses with some of the abuses like domestic violence, financial or material abuse falling into these categories.

Sexual abuse being the most talked about and assuming that everyone is aware of it, I'd like to highlight that even in 'loving' relationships and marriages, sexual abuse is still prevalent. I'd simplify sexual abuse as when one says NO to a sexual act against any of their body parts while another goes ahead without consent. Sexual abuse to children goes without a say that the minor lacks the capacity to consent so it's outright out of discussion! Sex is beautiful, created by God to mankind, it should not hurt or leave you with a ditasteful feeling afterwards. Done at the right time, with the right person, it is pleasant.

Next is Physical Abuse. Love is not painful, love doesn't hurt so let's not misconstrue physical abuse to love because if someone loves you, they will protect and respect you to not lift a finger on you rather, opt to resolve issues amicably. 'I had to beat you because I love you' or ' Your husband loves you that is why he disciplines you'! This myth has been passed from generation to generation but, it does not make sense at all and MUST STOP! If you love someone, you will protect him or her with all your being. Read Ephesians 5 vs 25, if Christ loved the church through flogging everyone who sins, we all would be having serious scars now or even dead due to the injuries as we sin daily! Christ loved the Church by giving His life to it. That is Agape love!

Psychological or emotional abuse do not have tangible evidence to quickly identify them or the extent someone has been scarred. This is abuse without physical scars, and just a reminder, scars of the heart and soul usually lasts a lifetime if not properly addressed. Narcissists usually have a tendancy of causing this type of abuse. They play with one's mental and emotional state to get what they want. Words are the most powerful weapons and used negatively whether through vocal or writing can have an everlasting impact on one’s mental being. Actions as well speaks louder than words. Aids in affectig one’s mental health to doubt themselves, loose confidence, instills fear and, the list goes on.

Often times when abuse starts, we overlook it as a happenstance and might fail to stop it at the first time. The second time and thereafter, it becomes a routine which the victim mentally prepares for or finds a way to escape during or after it happens. Most times the victims end up blaming themselves or giving excuses on why that misfortune is happening or has happened to them.

There are many factors that surrounds abuse and it is sad to note that the perpetrator in most cases is the one who is very close to the victim adversely removing any possibility of future trust. Usually it is done by someone who struggles to make emotional connection due to their past experiences where love and protection from someone who meant so much to them was withdrawn and they ended up feeling abandoned, rejected and unworthy. In pursuit of healing the wound, they simply reenact it hurting everyone in their way as they fight for acceptance, dominance, appreciation and power. The cycle goes on and on if no assistance or intervention from the outside is provided.

It is said hurt people hurt others, same with abuse, abused people often abuse others and world statistics proves this to be true. If they knew better, they would have done better. If you notice or a victim confides in you, the least thing you can do is to not judge, assure them you are a friend, listen, give them a hug and never use their story against them to gossip or gain popularity. Be strong for them and help them to come out of that dark place. Most times, alone can be too lonely for them so they might need someone to stand in the gap and be assertive on their behalf.

If you are married and are being abused, LEAVE! Understand that marriage is not an achievement (an achievement is solely your effort through sweat and blood) but rather marriage is a blessing (favour from God). Moving away doesn't make you less a child of God but, His being who has realised the difference between right and wrong and ready to rectify the mistakes because you should be loved as how Christ loved the church and died for her.

Being single shouldn't make you lonely to the extent of impulsively jumping into any carriage that has a beard and wears a pair of trousers! Alone does not equate lonely! You can be alone with God, leading the most fulfilling peaceful life, that is very ok. Marriage is not a competition and being complete in God is the way to go.

May your king find you in the King of kings' bossom.

Let us educate one another and always be a sister's keeper.

Love and light to you and yours.